If you want to feel better, make a connection!

There’s a moment in that darkest of comedies, Dr. Strangelove, when we learn that the Soviet Union has created a “doomsday machine” that will destroy the planet in the event of a nuclear attack on the country. Intended as the ultimate deterrent to war, it is revealed instead as a disastrous miscalculation, because its existence has not yet been revealed.

“Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you keep it a secret!” Peter Sellers as Dr. Strangelove famously exclaims. “Why didn't you tell the world, eh?"

The same is true (though with lower geopolitical stakes!) of the kindness, gratitude, and generosity we keep unspoken in our hearts. Much of its power is wasted unless we give it voice.

It is well established that taking time to reflect upon all we are grateful for, including our relationships with others, has numerous positive effects on our well being. These include greater peace of mind, a more positive view of our circumstances and opportunities, access to more creativity in problem solving, and physical benefits like lower blood pressure, better sleep and more.

We live in a world focused on efficiency, productivity, and competition. We spend our time interacting on social media with the fake personas of people we don’t know,  filtered through algorithms designed to push all our worst emotional buttons to keep us scrolling. With all this “socializing” it is ironic that we are depriving ourselves of the real, nourishing social interactions critical for our mental health and peace of mind.

Millions of years of mammalian evolution have ingrained in us a deep need for interaction (ideally in person) with those around us. We look for touch, smiles, greetings and acknowledgment to tell us we are seen and safe. But the pressures of modern life and the pull of technology is stealthily and steadily undermining our ability to meet those needs.

Numerous studies indicate that even having regular superficial interactions—a chat with your barista or the mail delivery person—can be the difference maker for your mood and even longevity.

And when you go out of your way to spread some light to those around you, the impact can be enormous.

• The moment can be large or small, profound or lighthearted.

• Reminding someone that you sometimes have friction with that you love them all the same can move the whole relationship in a better direction

• As long as it’s authentic (of course!), you can’t go wrong. Call a friend you haven’t talked to in years and tell them of a shared memory. Tell the person who maintains your office building that you notice their work and it makes a positive difference in your day.

• While thinking about what you are grateful for has powerful benefits, voicing it and seeing another person light up, seeing them snap out of their routine and distraction and really see you—it magnifies the benefits many times over. It makes that positivity not just something you tell yourself, but something that’s true.

• Perhaps this feels a bit unnatural for you, like something that is not what you do? The impact on you and the person you connect with will be all the greater, guaranteed!

• Go towards people that seem different from you. These small moments of positivity and kindness are the antidote to our polarized world.